When Your Mum Reads Your X Rated Stories

My Mum rang me the other day. She’s usually the one who calls me, because I’m a horrible daughter and always forget to call home. I was filling her in on all my updates, telling her all about uni, work, my housemates, assuring her I’d been eating vegetables, and telling her about our quiet drinks on Monday night. I rather intentionally left out the part that I didn’t get home until 2am on Monday night being drunk af because saying you’re going for quiet drinks never stays quiet. So we were chatting away until she pauses awkwardly, and I could almost see her looking down the phone at me giving me that look. To avoid any more uncomfortable pauses, I ask what’s up. She very hesitantly brought up my blog and the writing I do for Twenty Something Humans.

“Do you have to swear so much?” she says. Oh dear, here we go, my mother has finally read my filthy words and knows I’m no longer perfect. I tried to explain that I only occasionally swear in my writing when it’s appropriate and when it’s #relatable. But it seems that wasn’t all she was concerned about. I recently wrote an article about First Loves and mentioned something along the lines of that special moment when you finally give your first blow job…. Well let’s just say I didn’t have my mother as my intended audience for that piece. And to make it even more interesting and awkward (just another day in the life of me), she mentioned how my Grand Parents have been reading it and are a little ‘confused’ with my changing writing style. Oh god, my poor Grandma holding her iPad, zooming into my blog to see the word in size 72 font “BLOWJOB.” (sorry Grandma)

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This got me thinking about the two sides to me. The side that wants to keep it professional and clean, write about world issues, gender inequality, poverty, trade deals, politics and education, whilst enjoying a nice glass of white wine. I’m passionate about all of these issues and do write about them frequently on my blog. However, there’s another side of me that wants to cover myself in tattoos and write about sex, blowjobs, awkward tinder dates, hook-ups and threesomes, whilst drinking the whole botte of white wine. And I’m equally as passionate and interested in these more ‘tabboo’ topics – especially the whole bottle of wine thing. Blowjobs deserve to be written about too. To leave this important topic out of my writing repertoire would be an enormous injustice. Whilst I’m open and comfortable talking about my writing to my friends, my family on the other hand is a different story. And I’m not sure how I’d feel about a potential employer reading these things either. OMGSTARTSPANICKINGABOUTFUTURE…..

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But then Mum’s wisdom kicked in. She told me that I guess I can be the girl who not only writes about trade and politics, but also tinder dates and sex. That I can’t ignore what I’m passionate about and that people will really be able to connect and relate to my content because it’s true and it’s from me.  She may not love it, but she accepts that it’s a part of who I am and that’s nothing to be ashamed of or hide. But instead of having a NSFW (Not Safe For Work) warning, perhaps I should introduce a NSFM (Not Safe For Mum’s) Warning, to give all the Mum’s out there a heads up that they’re about to read something about their daughter that they may not exactly want to know.

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Whatever your thing is, just embrace it. If you hold back, edit and censor yourself to please other people, you’re going to end up extremely unsatisfied with yourself. Ain’t no one got time for that when we’ve gotta get out there and change the world with our posts on gender inequality and what type of vibrator is best for you!

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