Being a woman is freakin awesome! We are kind, intelligent, nurturing, we can grow humans inside of us … plus we have boobs! How fun is that?! But there’s a side to being a woman that is extremely difficult and is something I am sadly reminded of daily. Despite it being two thousand and freakin eighteen, we still live in a sexist, misogynistic, abusive and discriminatory society (if this is a surprise to you, then please take a moment to read about gender inequality within Australia). Us ladies put up with a lot of shit, particularly from the men. So us girls, we gotta band together and stick it to the man. And to do so, there’s a girl code. It’s kind of like the unwritten rules of sisterhood that I know you know what I’m talking about.
I admire all women. But over the past month, I’ve been exposed to the highs and lows of the girl code, and damn us females sure are interesting beautiful creatures.
I was in a relationship not long ago. He got offered a sick job in another state, and like any supportive human, encouraged him to go. I think we were coming to the end of our relationship. Like milk you splash on your cereal a day or two after its expired, it’s risky business to keep using it. Maybe it’s my inner optimist, but I had faith that the milk would be fine to use. So we decided to stay together until he left and then we’d reassess the situation. Leading up to it, we decided to make the most of it, put our worries away and just enjoy each others company. Maybe a lot of pressure was removed by the fact that I knew he was moving away. Or maybe I was in denial that he could hurt me so badly.
I was driving home from a friends party when I received a message on Facebook from a friend.
“Hey Adelaide, are you still with your boyfriend?”
“Hey girl, yea I am. Haha. Why do you ask?”
Do you ever have those moments when you think you’re in a movie? Like this couldn’t possibly be real and you look around to see if there’s a camera. Or desperately look at your best friend in the drivers seat, looking for a sign that this is just some sick joke? I yearned for that sign, and in the absence of it, I knew that this was real.
It’s funny how guys are so captivated by their own dicks, that they think women want to hear about how much they want to shove it inside them. Tinder is a funny thing.
But this isn’t about my relationship. Because like any level-headed woman, I confronted him and said that I deserve better. He’s not deserving of my tears, heart ache or words. This is about girl code.
My immediate concern was my friend that had unknowingly and unwillingly been dragged into this awkwardly horrible situation. What a brave bad ass bitch! Can you imagine being in that situation? I certainly can’t. How easy would it have been to dust off your hands and say ‘oh hell no, this is none of my dirty business?!’ Or how anxious she would have felt reaching out to me? Or how worried she would feel about how I would react? This woman is the definition of respect, strength, honesty and consideration. I was absolutely blown away by how much respect she showed me, but also that she showed herself. Sometimes the right thing to do is uncomfortable and it may seem like none of your business. But you can really change people’s lives when you’re guided by the mysterious wonders of girl code.
But then maybe there’s women out there that don’t get it. Or don’t care, or are too focused on doing them, that they kinda miss the essential nature of girl code. I’ve known a girl for a few years. I remember the first time I met her, I was mesmerized by her energy, intelligence, creativity and strength. She was a bad ass bitch! Over the years, she’s been someone in my life that I’ve looked up to and strived to be like.
I guess there’s really no right way to hook up with your friend’s ex-boyfriend…
But this time, it’s not just about girl code. It’s about the intersection of girl code and men’s place in it. Respect and honesty really will get you a long way in life. I received honesty, but was painfully disrespected by it.
I’m not angry or upset. In fact, I’m incredibly supportive of anyone who is pursuing their happiness. In this pursuit, we all have decisions to make. And if you make those decisions, knowing how they will affect you, and others around you, then you god damn stick by those decisions! This time, I was the one unknowingly and unwillingly brought back to that awkwardly horrible situation. At the end of the day, people will love whoever they love. But when you’re willing to sacrifice a friendship for that love, well that’s some Hollywood movie type shit there.
The bullshit is, this is all because of a man. I didn’t ask for this. These women didn’t ask for this. I don’t deserve this and neither do they. And even after all of this bullshit, you have the nerve to turn around and say that ‘this impacts me too.’ It’s shocking how some people simply cannot shock you any more.
It must be hard being a privileged, white male with a university education, a job that pays more money than some could ever dream of and the delusion that your life is so hard. Yes, you will never understand what it is like to be a woman. And it’s probably for the best because quite frankly, I don’t think you could handle it. But everyone on this earth is capable of understanding love. It’s just so sad that you choose not to.
Actually, I’d like to rephrase, this is all because of a boy. Because men that I know, love and respect, have the strength to take responsibility, to reach out, to be open and vulnerable with their emotions, and think about things other than their dicks and their ego.
I understand if writing this post might sound accusing, though it is not my intention. I understand if this may be hurtful or confronting to read, yet I am simply expressing my feelings and experiences. I also understand that some may argue that it’s not all about me, and that I am being ignorant of other’s feelings and experiences. Yes, even privileged white men have their shit and I am well aware of that. But after giving so much of myself away, this is my way of reclaiming that and making a statement that it’s not good enough. Now is not your time.
It’s funny because I have well and truly moved on. The purpose of writing this post is to firstly, allow myself to process, understand and heal. Secondly, it is dedicated to all of the selfless women making a difference out there (yes, even the girl that hooked up with my ex is included in this list because she is an dedicated, hard working woman). Thirdly, it is to explore the intricacies of relationships and female relationships. And lastly, it is to reiterate that I will not tolerate being disrespected nor will I accept other women being treated in this manor. This is an ode to the girl code and to express how grateful I am for all of the supportive women and men in my life that are positively contributing to my life. I hope I can do the same for you.
Life’s good and it’s simple. Be kind, loving, honest, respectful, love your friends, love other women, love your boobs and love yourself enough to know that you are a fucking queen!!!